MOVIE REVIEW: ‘Medallion’ dosen’t deserve one
Grade: F
In my many years of movie going, there have been few films I have actually felt embarrassed to have paid money to see. “Weekend at Bernie’s II” is the all-time champion in this category. But as of last weekend, there is a new competitor.
“The Medallion” was one of the most brutally awful movies I have ever seen, and this is coming from somebody that actually saw “Armageddon” three times. I went in thinking at worst it would be in Jackie Chan’s forgettable second-tier category, kind of like “Mr. Nice Guy.” I hoped that I would at least be able to enjoy watching Claire Forlani as his sidekick, since she reminded me of a girl I dated in high school whose ethereal eyes made the Zombies classic “Time of the Season” play in my head whenever I saw her.
I was denied on both counts.
The film was quite unforgettably bad, and Forlani spent the whole time smiling at jokes that weren’t funny. By the end of the film, I was on my knees in the aisle, pounding the ground with my fist, crying “Say it ain’t so, Jackie!”
Now, I’ll attempt to explain this movie. Chan is some cop-type from Hong Kong that is working with British Intelligence to protect this mystical medallion that comes in two halves. When you bring the halves together (like the He-Man sword) it has mystical powers, like bringing the dead to life and giving them the ability to run really fast. Halfway through the flick, Chan gets killed and subsequently resurrected by the “golden child” that is the keeper of the medallion. After this experience, Chan enjoys superpowers and immortality. What’s dumb is that he’s already spent the first half of the movie enjoying superpowers granted by slow-motion filming, computer-enhanced effects, and lots and lots of wires. Before his resurrection, I was already thinking I was watching “Crouching Jackie, Hidden Career.” Afterward, I was just lost. Oh, there’s also a generic evil blonde British guy that’s trying to steal the medallion from the little kid. This of course provides the tension for the film.
By far, the most painful element of the film is its attempt at humor. Chan is given an extra British sidekick who tries to use mugging and silly music to be funny. It’s not. I can’t help but think that if this guy and Smilin’ Claire were actually representing Britain’s finest, that Jolly Old England would have become a French resort colony long ago. This one will show you just how good Rowan Atkinson really is.
Could we make it mandatory for Owen Wilson to co-star in every film Chan makes for the rest of his career?
Josh Terry is a graduate student in the American studies program. Comments are welcome at jterry@english.usu.edu