OPINION: Most cross-dressers are heterosexual
Although I identify as female, I always cross-dress when I go to the Gender Blender — an event held by Love is for Everyone, a group associated with USU’s Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Allies. It is an opportunity for everyone, regardless of their sexual orientation, to get out and cross-dress and hang out with a fantastic group of diverse people.
Dressing like a man and assuming a man’s role is empowering, fresh and totally fun, and it’s always a blast to see my friends do the same. While I typically only deliberately cross-dress at this event — wearing basketball shorts or sweats doesn’t count for girls — there is a significant slice of the population who cross-dress on a regular basis and find fulfillment in their personal lives while doing so.
While reading, keep in mind that sexual identity, one’s internal feeling of being male or female; sexual orientation, describing who one is sexually attracted to; and sexual expression, one’s external appearance, are not the same. Although sometimes these are connected, more often than not they have no correlation whatsoever.
It’s also important to remember that cross-dressers, or transvestites, are not the same as drag queens or transsexuals. Drag queens are usually gay men who dress outrageously feminine, typically for a performance of some kind. Transsexuals are men or women who feel they were born into the wrong body. They cross-dress early on to signify their inner feelings of being a different sex, and often, receive a sex change operation later in life.
Plain and simple, cross-dressers are mostly heterosexual men. They can be found in literally every age group and have often been cross-dressing since before they were teenagers. Most cross-dressers are not gay or bisexual and proudly identify as male. Many are married with children. Unfortunately, these men have to keep their cross-dressing a secret.
Because cross-dressing is often kept a secret, it does not make it an illness or perversion, and male cross-dressing doesn’t impact any other factor of a man’s life. The only time cross-dressing becomes a conflict is when a wife or girlfriend finds out, which understandably often leads to feelings of surprise and betrayal on her part. Therefore, honesty is paramount in keeping a healthy relationship when a man cross-dresses.
This brings up difficult questions, such as, “When is the right time to tell my girlfriend?” Others may ask, “Should I tell her now that we’re already married?”
The answer depends on the situation, but sooner is typically better, and there are plenty of online sites and wonderful books like “My Husband Betty” to help those with these questions find the information they need.
Acceptance is critical for women who are told by their significant other of cross-dressing tendencies. I’ve talked to and read material by men who not only want their significant others to tolerate their cross-dressing, but love and appreciate that aspect of their lives.
Cross-dressing doesn’t threaten a man’s masculinity or love for his partner. In fact, cross-dressing can often bring out or complement what many women view as a man’s best part: his feminine side.
In a quote from a crossdressers.com forum, one man said of his cross-dressing alter ego: “Jennifer is someone that I can be to honestly express my feminine side. There is so much man going on when Mike’s around that my femininity gets bottled up, so to speak. When I am Jennifer I can truly relax … I get to be cute, fun, frilly, sexy, colorful. Cross-dressing for me isn’t about being straight or gay — I’m straight — it’s about releasing the inner femininity that is inside me … Jennifer is a part of Mike — the part that makes him a sensitive and caring person and lover … Instead of repressing who he is, he’s expressing it — and that is not something that a ‘normal’ man has the balls to do.”
Men who cross dress vary greatly, and often they aren’t sure exactly why they’re driven to do it. Some use a feminine name while others don’t. Some cross-dress alone, and others do it with a partner. Some like to be fully garbed in women’s clothes, and some like to secretly wear women’s panties to work under their normal attire. Most are aroused by it, but many males start cross-dressing before they can even reach a point of sexual arousal.
No matter what aspect of cross-dressing a man embodies, it can be a fun and fulfilling part of a relationship, and the only time it can get in the way is if other individuals in their life let it. Reach out and be willing to accept something about your partner that may be new. Speaking from experience, I can guarantee it will enable you to make your relationship stronger than it was before.
— Liz Emery is a senior majoring in English creative writing. Her column appears every Wednesday. Comments can be sent to her at liz.emery@yahoo.com.