OPINION: Pseudo-swears aren’t superior
I was sitting in class at the beginning of my first semester at USU when a conversation occurred behind me that I could hardly ignore. “Are you going to that fetching party on Wednesday?” said one clever young man. “Fetch yeah I am,” came the reply. Said the first speaker, “I wonder if there will be any new motherfetchers this time.” “Who the fetch knows,” said his cohort.
I congratulated myself heartily the rest of the day for not turning around and bee-otch slapping both of those dumb motherfetchers right out of their seats. Little did I know that this would be a precursor for far too many conversations on campus over the next few years.
The idea that pseudo-swearing – substituting one or two vowels or consonants for another and thereby somehow switching the offensiveness of a word – is about as bullcrappy as shiz can get.
Seriously – I understand that religious or social inhibitions may prevent one from employing classic swear words, particularly when invoking the name of the lord. But, according to the Journal of Politeness Research, “The main purpose of swearing is to express emotions, especially anger and frustration. Swear words are well suited to express emotion as their primary meanings are connotative.”
You might be thinking, “Just what the heck is that supposed to mean?” In layman’s terms, it’s basically saying that we swear because it tells other people how we feel. The expression of emotion doesn’t change a bit when you switch the letters to make the word not technically the “bad” one. Sure, you still say what you meant to say, but you come off sounding like a gosh dang idiot.
Just for shoots and giggles, I Googled “Why is swearing bad?” A website called “Cuss Control Academy” popped up that was so funny I laughed my asterisk off. Among other things, it suggested that swearing increased violence; it’s abrasive and lazy; it has lost its effectiveness; it discloses a lack of character; and it contributes to the decline of civility.
Predictably, this site had no research to back its claims. But it makes some of the most stereotypical, albeit completely unsound, arguments against using swear words. If swearing really indicates laziness and lack of character, which it abso-flipping-lutely does not, we could expect those who use pseudo-swear words to be as lackadaisical as those who use the legitimate curse words. In reality, some of the most educated and intellectual individuals you’ll ever meet will throw in a choice cuss when conversing.
That being said, I’m not suggesting you should swear all the freaking time. It’s true that some consider explicit swear words offensive, and I can certainly see that one should employ hesitation when using the “F-word” in front of a three year old. Certain words are appropriate at certain times and in certain situations. You wouldn’t want to say even a derivative of a swear word in a job interview.
I can also understand that some feel the connotation of a word is what makes it inappropriate. But if that’s the case, doesn’t it follow that changing a “shit” to a “shoot” doesn’t mean a dang thing? If avoiding the usage of strong, offensive expression is your intention, then it doesn’t matter what nouns or verbs you use. Your sentence should perhaps sound something more like, “I’m so frustrated that my roommate ate all my cheese. It was a rather expensive novelty for a broke college student such as I,” rather than, “I’m so flipping pissed that my roommate ate all my effing swell cheese! I don’t have any gosh dang money to buy more!”
Often, swear words can even be a good thing. Free speech laws protect profanity. Newspapers can’t pick up flak f
or publishing swear words; neither can blogs, Facebook pages, or public protest signs. An article published by Time even indicates that swearing can help increase resistance to pain (really, if you think about it, letting out a good loud cuss makes a toe stub more bearable).
The bottom line with swear words is essentially this: If you’re in college, you’re a flipping adult, so talk like one. You’re a big kid and you’re allowed to use big-kid words. If substituting the letters in a nasty word really makes that much of a difference to you, and you refuse to say the real words that indicate what you truly mean, may I suggest you shut the heck up and find another way to express yourself (and then return to high school).
And for the love of gosh, don’t take it upon yourself to chastise those of us who actually swear.
– Liz Emery is a senior majoring in English with an emphasis in creative writing. Her column runs here every other Thursday. Comments may be sent to her at liz.emery@yahoo.com.