OUR VIEW: Doctor arrives at USU in the nick of time

We live in perilous times. Witches have been burned. Messengers have been persecuted. And anyone trying to intervene has been caught in the crossfire of a ballistic war on love that’s been spreading across campus. We’re speaking, of course, about the less-than-friendly exchange that’s taken place between male and female guests of the Statesman’s opinion page on the topic of dating.

    There’s no doubt feelings have been hurt in the columns and comments written by different guests, and getting hurt is, sadly, part of dating. But in the wake of all this bantering about who’s failing at what and who needs to step it up, has anyone actually gotten better at dating?

    Enter the Date Doctor. The real-life “Hitch” (on whom the movie was based) is coming to USU to teach us the dos and don’ts of Earth’s most notorious sport. He’ll be teaching about conversation, style, tactics and maintaining a healthy relationship. He’ll even teach us how to think about dating, and how to know when it’s just not working. And, of course, he’ll be open to questions.

    Finally, someone in authority to guide us through the ambiguous realm of dating.

    Witches unite! This man will teach you how to attract your soul mate – or break the news to your not-soul mate.

    Egotistical chauvinistic hypocritical sniveling cry babies unite! This man will teach you how to pursue with style.

    The truth is, almost everyone has a hard time with dating.

    Who hasn’t had to call a friend, a parent or an unsuspecting roommate to unload all your dating woes?

    Who hasn’t felt insecure about their looks, their conversation skills or their personality?

    Who hasn’t dumped a whole jar of jelly into the bathtub and sat in it for 20 minutes to try to forget about a bad date?

    We are grateful to the attentive and insightful programmers who saw the need for a little love advice and brought in the right man for the job. We’ll all be there with our boyfriends, girlfriends, fiancés and imaginary friends to learn a thing or two about being a better partner, and we hope you will too.