Pre-emptive Critics – Oct. 24, 2008
Saw V
By Amanda Mears
Let me just preface this by saying that I am not a big fan of horror movies. I covered my eyes for 80 percent of “The Ring” and wanted to cry multiple times during “The Exorcism of Emily Rose.” However, peer pressure usually coerces me into seeing a generic slasher movie at least once a year. This was the case with the original “Saw” when it came out in 2004 and, even then, I was mostly only going so I could say “Did you see ‘Saw’? I saw ‘Saw'” and chuckle under my breath at the play on words.
Fast-forward past Saws II, III and IV, all of which blend in my mind to form one long film full of shrieking women and rusty metal objects gouging someone’s eyes out, and you will arrive at the latest endeavor, directed this time by Steven Hackl. According to the synopsis on the Web site, in “Saw V,” Hoffman (Costas Mandylor) is trying to carry out the jigsaw “legacy,” when his secret is exposed, causing him to tie up the loose ends. According to the trailer, however, people panic, people scream and people bleed.
Sometime between II and III, the shock factor of “Saw” began to wear off and it became merely two hours of cringing disbelief. There are only so many times you can watch people being forced to do unspeakable things, both to themselves and to others, before it plays out like Britney Spears flashing her “lady parts.” Disturbing, but nothing new.
Although there is no doubt in my mind that I will be dragged to it on opening day (which happens to be Halloween, how spooky), I pre-emptively hate this movie because I have seen it before. Four times.
–amanda.m@aggiemail.usu.edu
Changeling
By Greg Boyles
I anticipate this intense melodrama will force me to the edge of my seat due to anticipation, cry over the beauty of Angelina Jolie’s performance, then drift back into my seat, threatened by boredom and finally give in to sleep; all of this in a two hour and 20 minute movie.
“Changeling” is the story of a single mother who has to deal with the turmoil of her child being kidnapped and then replaced with a boy who is not, in fact, her own, at this point I’m still on the edge of my seat. She then must convince conspiring LAPD officers of this mishap and in turn will put on lovely performance, (this is where I’m balling on my fiancee’s arm). Then after she pushes too hard and pisses off Jeffrey Donovan, who always plays a grade A jerk, she’s thrown in the nut house.
However, I’m positive this brief description will only make up the first hour of the film which means the rest of the 80 minutes will be dedicated to crying, crooked cops and stale popcorn.
The only thing that may keep me awake through the end of the flick is the knowledge that this horrible situation is based on a true story, and, of course, if Jolie spends a good portion of the movie in a stray jacket.
I pre-emptively think this flick will be fantastic, OK and boring as hell.
–greg.boyles@aggiemail.usu.edu