Prepare before becoming sexually active
Let’s be honest: Who knew everything about sex during their first time? Unless you’re a media sex icon, becoming sexually intimate with a partner for the first time can be a huge step that should bring up issues of birth control, communication, and physical and emotional preparation.
Linda Roberts, nurse practitioner at the Student Wellness Center, said her number one piece of advice couples should do before becoming sexually intimate with one another is talking about it.
“Communication is key in having a satisfying sexual relationship,” Roberts said. “I often say the biggest sex organ is the brain and, psychologically, how the individual and as a couple think and feel about it.”
She said communication is important because it can help intercourse be more comfortable for the female if she talks about what feels good and what doesn’t.
“Her male partner can’t read her mind,” she said.
For those nervous about their first time, Roberts said to go slow and to take enough time for foreplay and getting comfortable with each other. Sexual intimacy, she said, is about what feels good, so not taking time to work up to that may be unsatisfactory.
“The importance of foreplay is being ready for intercourse,” she said. “This is important because the proper time and attention to this makes it more comfortable and more pleasurable for the female.”
Roberts said if a couple is in a new relationship, depending on each partner’s sexual activity in the past, it is wise to go to the Wellness Center and get tested for sexually transmitted diseases. But making a doctor’s visit for a first-timer is something Roberts said she strongly recommends. Although she said guys really don’t come in, girls should come in for a variety of reasons. Roberts said females should come in at least a month before getting married so they can have time to pick out, learn about the effects of, and adjust to any hormonal methods for birth control.
“For the women, it is very helpful for them to come in because we talk about what it is like to begin,” she said. “We always discuss sexual arousal, lubrication, because that can be a very big issue, particularly with initiating sexual life. A pelvic exam is helpful primarily because that assessment determines if a little stretching of the vaginal opening is going to be helpful to them to make initiation of intercourse a lot more helpful.”
TesAnn Peel, junior in family finance, said everyone starts somewhere. And visiting a gynecologist before becoming sexually active, she said, was a good way to start.
“He explained everything to me and was more of a father parent figure and that helped me out,” she said. “He explained what feels good for guys or for girls and that helped me out a lot because I didn’t know about it. Mentally, I know sometimes it’s hard to get in the mood, but just realize guys are different and girls are different and you can do different things.”
Peel said what also helped her in being sexually active was understanding the different “love languages,” or needs, that girls and guys have.
“I would recommend pre-marital classes to learn that girls and guys are different,” Peel said. “Marriage won’t work if, maybe, someone is a sex freak and someone doesn’t like it all.”
Roberts said the Student Wellness Center tried to offer pre-marital classes last year but nobody went. “We just though it was a good idea,” Roberts said.
Peel also said her gynecologist helped her research different kinds of birth controls to figure out what worked best with her body. But what has helped most so far, she said, is her communication and openness with her husband.
“It’s huge,” Peel said. “That’s the biggest thing because that is how you show each other you love each other. In (my) culture you only have sex with that one person, so it makes it an even bigger deal. Sex is so much different than what girls and guys picture it as so you have to talk about it before and talk about what you expect.”
Peel said she dated for nine months and felt like communication about sex preparation was open. Couples that get married only after two months, she said, may be more scared to communicate to each other about intimacy since they haven’t had as much time together.
Cody Myers, senior in exercise science, said he doesn’t think guys actually prepare for sexual intimacy as much as girls do.
“I don’t know if we even realistically prepare,” Myers said. “I wish I would have been prepared more to know what is it like for the women. It’s great, being a guy and all, but I think that’s a downfall to us that we don’t know all that is entailed.”
Communicating to each other, he said, is extremely helpful. He said talking about things should come easy since a serious couple, married or not, should already have that trust built up; there should be no embarrassment of talking about intimacy.
“The openness is a big thing,” Myers said. Roberts said there are helpful materials students can read in preparation. One is a book called “For Each Other,” by Lonnie Barback, who is a certified sexual therapist. The book talks about the “nuts and bolts” in intimate relationships. To help couples begin to discuss sexual intimacy beforehand actually doing it, Roberts said she suggests reading a book, like “For Each Other,” together to help open lines of communication.-brittny.jo@aggiemail.usu.edu