Review: The Grammy Awards celebrate 57 years of breaking our hearts

Did you miss the 57th Annual Grammy Awards Sunday night? I’ll tell you my story.

I hit the hay at 9:30 p.m. Saturday and instantaneously received a text from my little sister reading, “Beck won album of the year. What???” My internal response was “Oh crap, I forgot! The Grammys! Was that tonight?” I rushed to the internet the next morning to see the full list of winners, figuring my editor would have me do a last-minute piece on it, and she did.

I found the winners list fairly predictable. To directly quote my Grammy article from 2014, I refer to the Grammys as “despicable and perplexing” and said they’re only about “getting TV viewers.” Considering the Grammys only surface a certain level of popularity anyway, I suppose they’re not too bad. I just wonder, why do they always have to be so heartbreaking?

I’m sure many of you were heartbroken to see Sam Smith, Pharrell, Ed Sheeran and especially Beyonce lose Album of the Year to the skinny, 44-year-old weirdo that is Beck. I’ve expressed my opinion on some of these artists in Statesman articles last year. In one I wrote: “the pop music world could learn a thing or two from Beyonce.” I reviewed Beck’s “Morning Phase” and gave it an 8 out of 10. I reviewed Pharrell’s “G I R L” and gave it a 4 out of 10. I have never written about Ed Sheeran or Sam Smith because I have nothing nice to say about them.

I would have been pleased with a win from either Beck or Beyonce. Her self-titled album was ambitious with some terrific studio production. It’s definitely her best work. I love “***Flawless.” Looking back, I consider the album over-produced considering its lax lyrical content. Perhaps this is why Kanye West wanted her to win; I have the same opinions about “Yeezus.”

Beck’s “Morning Phase” is its polar opposite: an LA folk artist’s song crafting that switches on and off from methodically beautiful to just plain boring. It’s a “comfort food” album. I like it. If you feel like Beyonce got snubbed, this is nowhere near the worst snub in Grammy history.

1967: The Beatles’ “Revolver” loses to Frank Sinatra’s “A Man And His Music.” Did anybody care about Sinatra in the ’60s? “Revolver” is arguably greatest album of all time.

1981: Christopher Cross’ debut beats Pink Floyd’s “The Wall.” In June, I saw that Christopher Cross album on vinyl at Deseret Industries for 99 cents.

1985: Lionel Richie shamelessly defeats Prince’s “Purple Rain” and Bruce Springsteen’s “Born in the USA.” Ouch. Double ouch.

2001: Steely Dan beats out Radiohead’s “Kid A” and Eminem’s “The Marshall Mathers LP.” Steely Dan made the absolute greatest music — of the ’70s. Come on people. Out with the old, in with the new.

Sam Smith brought home the most hardware, including both Song of the Year and Record of the Year for “Stay With Me.” I yearn for someone to email me with an explanation as to how this was the indefinite best song of 2014. Sam Smith has a distinguished voice. I give him that. As for the song itself, I felt like I had heard it a million times by the time I heard it once. The chord progression and instrumentation are routine-radio. I had no idea this was Grammy music.

As always, the Grammys fell shy of both what the critics want and what the people want. You see the same artists every year, if not modern replicas of former winners. But I guess 2014 wasn’t all wrong. St. Vincent won Best Alternative Music Album and Aphex Twin won Best Dance/Electronic Album. Righteous.

If I had a 2014 music awards show, my Album of the Year winner would be “Benji” by Sun Kil Moon. My Record of the Year goes out to “Seasons (Waiting on You)” by Future Islands. “Music’s biggest night” isn’t found on TV. It’s found when you “let the music in your life give life back to music.”

— Scott E Hall is a stage management major at USU. He likes music collecting and chicken curry. He quoted Daft Punk for the last sentence of this article, thus the quotation marks. Email him at scottehall3@gmail.com.