‘Scorpian King’ has deadly sting
The Mummy was a good flick, perhaps something in the likeness of Raiders of the Lost Ark.
The movie’s sequel, ripe with moronic dialogue and flimsy characters, was no fun and felt like the filmmakers were reeeeaaaaallly scraping the bottom of the Hollywood Plot Barrel.
With The Scorpion King, the prequel to both Mummy films, the folks at Universal Studios have drunk the dregs of cinematic treachery by continuing to beat the life out of a horse that should have been turned into glue in 1999.
This film is not about fun and it’s not about entertainment. No sir, it’s about the almighty dollar, and every penny Universal Studios can squeeze out of a really lame movie franchise. The tagline for the movie reads, “Warrior – Legend – King,” but it really should say, “Soon to be our newest theme ride at Universal Studios.”
On the other hand, why not go for it? If Wal-Mart can peddle flip-flops that carry The Rock’s image and name, then by all means, stick your thumb out and hitchhike to the bank. Universal’s doing that right now. The Scorpion King raked in more than $36 million last weekend. Cha-ching.
I will say this, Battlefield: Earth was by far a more awful movie than The Scorpion King. Bbut frankly, this flick is so absurd it’s hard for me to not add it to my 20 Crappy Films of All Time list. There wasn’t a shred of acting. In fact, I receive more joy watching characters develop in re-runs of The Power Rangers. Likewise, once you get past The Rock’s glistening pectorals and fancy ponytail, his acting ability basically amounts to producing constipation faces every five minutes.
And what was Michael Clarke Duncan, best supporting actor nominee for The Green Mile, thinking when he joined the film’s cast? I realize everyone needs a paycheck, but I’d be whacking my agent with a fly swatter if he convinced me to play any role in The Scorpion King.
If you want to see The Scorpion King because you worship The Rock, then by all means, this is your movie. Just remember to wash your mullet. However, if you’re getting summer fever and want to catch some action and adventure, rent all three Indiana Jones films and save your brain cells. Or better yet, spend $6 on a pair of The Rock flip-flops at Wal-Mart. I’m wearing mine right now.
GRADE: F