Social experiment: the superficial side of online dating
“You are the most gorgeous woman I have ever seen in my life.”
That is how most conversations started when I decided to join OkCupid for a social experiment.
In my everyday life, I have never been approached as often as I was when men messaged me on this dating site. Only the brave approach me in person, but when online, people think they can say and do what they want because they are hiding behind a screen.
Nothing against Sara Bareilles, but I would rather see you be respectful than be brave. Asking me to be your girlfriend or to marry you before even saying “hi” is a big no-no, and yes, both of those things did happen a number of times.
For the sake of the experiment I made an effort to get a conversation going with everyone that messaged me, except for those creepers who were twice my age. You’re older than my dad. For goodness sakes, keep it in your pants.
This guy from Idaho messaged me and immediately asked me to be his girlfriend. Of course I said no, and that I would like to get to know him. I checked his profile and found that he was a senior in high school. Since I wasn’t actually looking to date anyone, I deemed it OK to talk to him. That is until he made up this double-life of being a college student, and then told the truth after I called him out on it.
There were three main problems with this guy. First, he was in high school, and that just seems inappropriate. Second, his profile picture was of him wearing an unbuttoned shirt. I mean, seriously? Put that away. I don’t want to see it. Shout out to those few guys that don’t take shirtless selfies. Third, he was dishonest, which I don’t appreciate anyway. Come on, guys. Just tell the truth. I promise it isn’t that hard.
This other guy who actually does live in Logan messaged me and he seemed like an OK guy. But we did not get far into a conversation before he started going into graphic detail about sex rituals from Africa, which is where he is from.
Needless to say, I found this uncomfortable, which is why I will advise that anyone looking to start online dating be cautious. On the bright side, my friends and I had a good laugh about this experiment.
What bothered me the most about online dating is that it was based purely on looks. People messaged me and claimed that they wanted to “get to know me,” but didn’t even bother to read about me on my profile. It made me feel awful that people based their opinions of me only by what they saw. I don’t want anyone to look at me and just see beauty. I am so much more than that. Everyone is. It is deeply upsetting to know that this isn’t only happening to me, but to a lot of women.
Many women struggle with their body image, and that is due to the way we are trained to think about our self-worth. Self-worth should not be based on whether or not you have a Kim Kardashian butt or Kylie Jenner lips. We are all amazing, even if we don’t feel it. Don’t get me wrong, increasing self-worth once it has been mercilessly beaten by society might seem like a difficult process, but I know that if you have a goal to know your worth, you will get there.
Luckily, we have an organization that helps women with this problem on campus called I Am That Girl, founded by Emily Greener and Alexis Jones. According to its mission statement, I Am That Girl’s purpose is to turn self-doubt into self-love.
“Every day, girls are bombarded with messages that attack what she is not,” Jones said, “and we work everyday to help her love who she is — to see that in herself and inspire that in others.”
—Monica Delatorre is a freshman majoring in creative writing. For more information about I Am That Girl, please contact her at monica.a.delatorre@gmail.com.