Student wants to swim in Sprite bubbles
Utah Statesman: What does the T in your name stand for?
Hansen: Timothy, the school knows me as Timothy, but my name is Weston.
US: What’s that about?
Hansen: It was a middle name mishap that’s been a piece of [crap] ever since. US: Have you ever gone by Timothy?
Hansen; Nope, never.
US: Why?
Hansen: Because my parents wanted me to go by Weston.
US: Then why didn’t they name you Weston?
Hansen: Because Weston Timothy Hansen sounds stupid, but Timothy Weston Hansen just rolls off the tongue.
US: When do you graduate?
Hansen: I graduate in May.
US: What are you going to do when you graduate?
Hansen: (Silence)
US: OK, what was the last movie you saw in the theater?
Hansen: Last time I tried to go to the theater is was closed because the toilets were overflowing.
US: When was that?
Hansen: It was last weekend.
US: What theatre was it?
Hansen: It was the Cinemark in American Fork; they turned us away at the door.
US: If you had five hours of free time and money wasn’t an issue, what would you do?
Hansen: I don’t know, probably buy something.
US: What would you buy?
Hansen: A swimming pool full of Sprite.
US: Why?
Hansen: I think it would be fun to swim with all the bubbles.
US: What would you do when it went flat?
Hansen: My five hours would be up – I’d let someone else deal with it.
US: What five words best describe you?
Hansen: I only need one.
US; What’s that?
Hansen: Damn. You can take it however you want. Like, damn, that kid’s a waste or, damn, that kid’s funny or damn, I wish I didn’t know him.
US: What is the strangest thing you’ve seen on campus?
Hansen: Probably two years ago when I saw that gigantic paper mache bra hanging from the tree on the Quad.
US: If everyone was exactly like you, what would the world be like?
Hansen: Worse.
US: What is your favorite thing about USU?
Hansen: Premium malt beverage night at Oak Meadows.
US: What’s your least favorite thing about USU?
Hansen: Every year during elections when I have to cram my pockets full of damn little papers from every other person I see.
US: What is your biggest pet peeve?
Hansen: Probably the people who slow down to a stop before they get in the center lane to make a left turn.
US: Who is the most famous person you’ve ever met?
Hansen: I accidentally ran into Billy Currington once.
US: Where?
Hansen: At the Bayou, in Salt Lake.
US: What would you do with an unlimited supply of monkeys?
Hansen: Can I trade for just one angry baboon?
US: Why would you want one angry baboon?
Hansen: (Silence)
US: If you were to be remembered at Utah State for one thing, what would you like that to be?
Hansen: They’ll remember I paid my tuition and that I was poor when I left.