Students and faculty address coping with suicide

Editor’s note: This is part two of a three-part series on suicide. A previous article discussed statistics and potential causes of suicide, while this story focuses on how people have dealt with suicide. The last article will focus on resources available. If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.

Students and faculty gathered together last month to mourn a USU student who committed suicide.

Tailor Dunigan, a senior majoring in criminology and friend of the student, helped plan the service. She said dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts is difficult because it’s hard for people to admit how they’re feeling and when they need help, but it’s important.

“The biggest thing for them and myself personally is to be more open about things and more welcoming to support from people,” Dunigan said.

She said she knows of at least two recent incidents of suicide that have affected people on campus, but feels students might be afraid to discuss it because they are afraid of saying something wrong. She said the negative stigma that accompanies topics of suicide and depression also make it a difficult subject to approach.

Dunigan said regardless of fears, these topics need to be discussed.

“It shouldn’t be something that is just swept under the rug,” she said.

Dunigan, who has had personal experience with suicidal tendencies in friends, family and even herself, said people going through something serious like suicide ideation become mentally or emotionally “withdrawn,” even if they don’t project it outwardly. She feels it’s important for friends to “be more in contact with them” and spend time with them, even if it’s studying in the library together.

David Bush, director of Counseling and Psychological Services, said the effects of an individual’s actions go beyond themselves, but friends should not feel responsible when someone else makes a choice.

“It’s important for students to understand that you can’t control another human being’s action,” he said. “We do everything in our power to help a person find hope, but I think it’s an illusion to think that we can prevent any kind of self harm.”

Krystin Deschamps, student conduct coordinator in the USU Student Services Office, said friends and roommates often come to her looking for answers.

“I do not in any way, shape or form want to indicate that if you feel suicidal you shouldn’t talk to your friends because absolutely, you should,” she said. “A lot of friends and roommates (are not) equipped to know how to handle students or friends or family members who are seriously depressed, and so … they come to me and say, ‘I’m worried about my friend. I don’t know how to handle it.'”

Sheree Haggan, a multicultural program coordinator in the Access and Diversity Center, said the best way to approach a friend who may be having thoughts of self harm is to be honest and humble.

She said when possible, practicing the conversation ahead of time, especially with a therapist, is ideal because it will come across in a less-judgmental and caring manner.

It’s not helpful to approach someone in an arrogant manner, accusing those who are suicidal of being “selfish,” she said. Rather, it’s better to recognize that this person is hurting and be honest, even if that means telling them you’re scared to have the conversation.

“I’m not a therapist or a psychologist, but I have dealt with a lot of mental health issues,” Haggan said. “I know that when people had that conversation with me, it made a difference when they were humble. … I just felt like (since) you’re being vulnerable with me, I can be vulnerable with you.”

Murray Cote, who will be a student studying criminal justice this summer, said suicide is something he’s dealt with for most of his life. He said he’s had several family members and friends commit suicide and has attempted himself “numerous times.”

He said aspects like family life, life at home, life away from home and relationships have been factors that accumulate and influence his state of mind.

“It’s not something that just hits you one day, you know, like, my life is shit,” he said.

Cote said getting to the point of suicide ideation was a gradual process.

“A big aspect of it is definitely, I’ve noticed, loneliness,” he said. “A lot of people don’t feel like they connect with people.”

Bush said when people are at low points in their lives they often forget their reasons for living.

For discouraging times, Bush keeps a “hope box,” containing specific items that remind him of what he has to live for. Tangible items in the box represent aspects of life that matter to him, such as his love for music, a gift from a granddaughter and the first thing he bought with his own money when he was a boy.

“When we get to our dark space if we can hold onto something, it gives us maybe just enough energy to make it through the night and into the next day,” he said.
“I think everybody needs a hope box.”

For more information on resources for students through CAPS, visit www.usu.edu/counseling. To submit a student of concern report, visit www.usu.edu/campussafety/reportingstudents.cfm.

— m.noble@aggiemail.usu.edu