Taboo Table Talk: Sex vs. Violence

Why am I so uncomfortable talking about sex, but I can talk about war and violence appropriately with virtually no social discomfort?  Even in the correct contexts, too. Sometimes I wonder if I am more uncomfortable discussing sex in health class or with a parent than I am discussing the Mai Lai massacre in my history class.

People still squirm in their seats whenever sex is are discussed in an appropriate, respectful, anatomically correct context.  We can say the words “behead,” “kill,” “bomb,” and “massacre” without hanging our heads in shame, but can’t afford ourselves some self-respect when uttering more damning words like “intercourse.” I won’t list the others because I don’t want to offend anyone.

Case in point. There’s something seriously wrong with how we approach these topics. Why is it okay to talk (at length) about the taking of someone’s life, but socially unacceptable to discuss the creation of it?

Now I, for one, do not particularly relish the idea of talking in detail about sex the way we talk in detail about the engineering and execution of the guillotine. But I’m saying that there’s a strange imbalance between the two topics.

You can expect to find me fast-forwarding through the scenes of Schindler’s List containing nudity and sex.  But then why don’t you also see me cringing and averting my eyes when Ralph Fiennes steps out onto his balcony, aims his rifle, and shoots the innocent people below as if they were nothing but bothersome ants crawling onto his picnic blanket?

When I watch that scene, I’m disgusted and upset, sure.  But I do not cringe the way I do in a sexual context. It is hard to write this and admit the truth: We live in a culture that praises violence more than it praises intimacy. Strength and moral fortitude is no longer the ability to maturely and thoughtfully discuss the topic of sex; that would be too humiliating. Strength is being able to talk about blood and gore matter-of-factly, without flinching.

The next time your buddy plays a shooter game and laughs when blowing the enemy’s head to bits, consider the consequences of reducing a human life to a set of pixels on a screen. And the next time you are given the infamous “sex talk” in church, school, or at home, tap into your discomfort, observe it, and then realize that without sex you literally would not exist.

Let’s keep our heads screwed on straight and talk about things for what they are.

— Vivian Gates is from Salem, OR and is a sophomore in English. She is the faith and religion writer for The Utah Statesman.

— viviangates29@gmail.com

    @viviangates29