Taking issue with Mexican food

By Lincoln Andreasen

I think I can speak for most Americans (well, at least two or three of them) when I say that Melissa Condie’s incendiary remarks in her column from the Monday, Sept. 22 issue of The Statesman were deeply offensive.

Ms. Condie begins by lamenting the absence of “suitable” Mexican food here in Logan, and by extension, she criticizes the lack of authentic ethnic food available in the whole of America itself. I find this unfounded evaluation to be an unacceptable and egregious slap in the face of our country. You see, America is a lot like BASF, who as we all know is the German multi-national chemical manufacturing corporation with the clever tagline: “We don’t make a lot of the products you buy; we make a lot of the products you buy better.” Note the presence of the official looking semi-colon. Fantastic. But back to the main point, America takes several things from other cultures and improves upon them. Take cricket and rugby, for example. These sports somehow manage to balance incredible complexity with plodding one-dimensionality, the combination of which makes them difficult for playing and virtually unwatchable on TV. But put these same sports through the good ol’ American innovation ringer and you come out with baseball and American football, the two most popular sports in the country. The same could be said for the steam-powered locomotive, the part of Arizona bought through the Gadsen Purchase, and of course, the TV show “The Office.”

I must also take particular issue to Ms. Condie’s unwarranted lambasting of the use of ketchup on Mexican food. Such an over-sensationalized accusation as that has no place in today’s culinary dialogue. The taste of tacos, burritos, enchiladas, tostadas, sanchos, tomales, quesadillas and macaroni and cheese all benefit immensely from copious amounts of Heinz 57. Save salsa for the chips (and by the way, that chunky mango-peach salsa is absolutely delectable). The ketchup we know and love today is a dual-fold illustration of American innovation and ingenuity. The Chinese were making “fish ketchup” thousands of years ago, and you can still currently buy “mushroom ketchup” in England. But it was here in America at the dawn of the 19th century that “tomato ketchup,” the condiment of the gods, was first developed. Reflective of America itself, ketchup never fails to improve anything it has the opportunity to contact.

Back to the broader criticism of American culture’s supposed lack of, well, culture. Every time I defend our Americanized ethnic foods or voice my aversion to soprano arias or Jackson Pollack paintings, I get this sort of statement from self-touted, pseudo-intellectual aficionados like stuffy-food-connoisseur-guy, opera-snob-guy, or modern-art-critic-guy: “But, Lincoln, you don’t understand the nuances of (authentic ethnic food, fine opera, abstract expressionism). It requires very sophisticated tastes and…” Yeah, I’m busy. To quote the great Colin Cowherd, nuances are for “.edu guys,” the over-educated and the underemployed. If you really want truly authentic ethnic foods, you’re just gonna have to go to Mexico, India or Belarus. In the mean time, I’m going to fully enjoy my Taco Bell chalupa… with lots of ketchup.

This counterpoint was written in response to a recent Statesman column. Lincoln Andreasen can be reached at lincoln.a@aggiemail.usu.edu.