The Pre-emptive Critics
‘Breach’ “Breach” is the kind of movie I would look forward to. You can’t go wrong when it comes to spies, political intrigue, sabotage, explosions, deception and lots of guns. So, why am I not excited for this movie? Two words: Ryan Phillippe. Phillippe in an action movie, come on. It’s like Drew Barrymore trying to do a drama; it’s just painful. This movie would have been great for a person like Matt Damon. He could pull it off. Damon knows how to do action and suspense. I’m not even sure why Phillippe has a career in acting. I just don’t think I’ll be able to stomach a movie where Phillippe is the main good guy who’s out saving America. Who does he think he is? Jack Bauer? Why not just stick Freddy Prinze Jr. in the role and be done with it? Either way, I may just go to the theater and cover my eyes and ears every time Phillippe appears on screen because the idea behind this movie looks spectacular. I pre-emptively love the idea behind this movie but pre-emptively hate its casting director. By Aaron Peck/arronpeck@cc.usu.edu’Bridge to Terabithia’ In the history of planet Earth, only two books have ever made me cry: “Bridge to Terabithia” and “Mouse on a Motarcycle.” I still tear up when I think about that little guy out in the woods all alone with nothing but a ping pong ball for a helmet. I’m not ashamed to admit it. I think it’s extremely manly for me to admit I cry. If you don’t believe me, I’ll prove my manhood by making you cry. I also cry when I hear that song about butterfly kissed. You wanna make something of it? I’m a little worried about this film. I mean it’s a coming of age story. I haven’t cared about one of those since I came of age and realized it wasn’t that cool? Would I, a full grown – and very manly, have I mentioned that, because I am – man will I still care about this land of imagination? Of course I will; they added monsters. I may have out grown reading, but I still like monsters. And they used computers to make the monsters so I’m double sold. But the “real” Terabithia is still a place I’ll gladly take the bridge to any time. You can meet me there. I’ll bring the tissues. I preemptively love this movie.-By Steve Shinney/steveshinney@cc.usu.edu’Ghost Rider’ When I first heard that Nicholas Cage was playing a character who waits for the sun to go down, then lights himself on fire, cruises around town on his motorcycle and tries to hook up with Eva Mendes, I thought, “I wonder if Nicholas Cage will be able to play a frat kid.” My fears, however, were unfounded. He’s not acting like a frat kid, he’s acting like the Ghost Rider. Completely different. The frat kid does it all for fun. The Ghost Rider does it because he has sold his soul to the devil. Commerce with Satan himself usually doesn’t translate into good cinema-“The Exorcism of Emily Rose” and “Constantine” stand out-but that’s because they didn’t have the angle that “Ghost Rider” has on soul-dealing. You see, after Ghost Rider sells his soul to the devil and obtains the super-scary power to turn into a skeleton, he goes around doing things only a good skeleton would do. He saves people, he motorbikes, and he hooks up with Eva Mendes. So “Ghost Rider” isn’t the boring, formulaic action movie about a superhero that you thought it was. Instead, it’s the terrible, tragic and ultimately touching story about the original Hell’s Angel. For that, and for the fact that he hooks up with Eva Mendes, I pre-emptively love this movie. -by Zach Pendleton/zpendleton@cc.usu.edu