The Students of USU vs. Brigham Young University
Joke: BYU is playing against Wyoming in a football game and there’s a Wyoming fan with a 10-gallon Stetson hat sitting in front of some BYU fans.
One of the BYU fans asks the man, “Could you please take your hat off? You’re blocking my vision.”
The Wyoming fan responds “I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were having a vision.”
My father-in-law told me that one.
Here’s just one more: How do you get a BYU alumni off of your front porch? You pay him for the pizza.
I’ve heard others that couldn’t be printed in this newspaper about BYU cheerleaders, football players, fans, students, alumni, whatever. So why does everyone have to pick on our friends down in happy valley?
What I find strange, is that students at Utah State especially hate BYU.
As BYU continues to win this season, pessimism towards BYU seems to be increasing.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I was cheering as loud as anyone else for USU to beat BYU a few weeks ago, but hating BYU for some of the reasons that I have heard people give recently is absurd.
Therefore, like any two parties that have a dispute, the case is best handled before everyone’s favorite TV judge: Judge Judy.
If anyone can get to the bottom of whether complaints against BYU hold any water it would be her.
I was lucky enough to obtain a written transcript of the proceedings. Everything written in this case came from real reasons people have given for hating BYU.
The Students of Utah State University vs. Brigham Young University
Bailiff: The honorable Judge Judy has entered the courtroom, order in the court.
Judge Judy: OK, sit down. It says here the Utah State students hate BYU, so we have a little in-state rivalry, that’s no big deal, this case is dismi…
Big Blue: Your honor, if you may, I believe that we will show there is much more than a little “in-state rivalry” and that we have legitimate cause to hate the Cougars.
JJ: OK, present your case, but this had better be good, I don’t want you wasting my time.
BB: Your honor, our first complaint is from the Utah State rugby team. They claim that BYU plays dirty and we believe it isn’t right BYU acts that way when they are supposed to represent their church.
JJ: What sport is this again?
BB: Rugby your honor.
JJ: Well how do you expect a rugby team to act? Like angels? That’s STUPID. It’s rugby, there’s going to be some tempers here or there. Is that all you have to say about this case?
BB: Well, like I said, they are supposed to represent their church, and…
JJ: Do you have a hearing problem Mr. Blue!? It’s rugby. Anyway, don’t half of the Utah State players represent the same church?
BB: Well, yeah, but they don’t have BYU on their jerseys, and some don’t belong to that church, some…
JJ: What a STUPID argument Mr. Blue, it doesn’t matter what church someone belongs to, no religion encourages violence during sports. This isn’t about religion, this is about the nature of the game, case closed. What’s your next complaint?
BB: Well your honor, we had some students who attended the BYU-Utah State football game who complained they couldn’t buy caffeinated beverages at LaVell Edwards Stadium. What kind of school won’t let someone drink a coke? We just feel that it’s a basic right.
JJ: Life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness and a Coke? Of course you couldn’t find coke there you idiot. Would you complain that you couldn’t buy a Christmas tree at a Jewish synagogue? Of course not. There are some things you just shouldn’t expect at certain places. If you want a Coke, go somewhere else. Next issue.
BB: OK your honor, I’ll admit that so far my reasoning has been a bit sketchy, but no one can deny that people down there are just freaks.
JJ: Broad generalizations like that make you seem uneducated Mr. Blue. Anyone who says something that broad about such a large number of people has never taken the time to get to know people in that group. Don’t be so STUPID. The only reason I would accept for any dislike toward BYU would be because they seem to win a lot and do well in whatever they do. Other reasons are unfounded and ignorant. I find for the defendant, BYU in this case.
So as the football season goes on, why not cheer for BYU? As painful as that idea is for some of you, our in-state rivals really aren’t all bad.
Take a trip to Provo, mingle with the weirdos and you might even find out they’re not so weird after all.
You can sit down and watch a BYU football game with them, cheer for the Cougars and even sing their dumb fight song after every touchdown.
Just remember not to sit in their way. You might block their vision.
Clark Jessop is a sophomore majoringin broadcast journalism.He can be reached at clarkjessop@cc.usu.edu