TWO VIEWS: What’s the deal with ‘wedding fever?’

BY CALE PATTERSON

features senior writer

It seems as though every time I pop open my Facebook account, I am bombarded with wedding announcements, engagement pictures and requests for my address so I can receive a flipping invitation. 

I feel like I’m in Cupid’s war zone – love-charged arrows flying all around me as I slash my way to safety behind the cover of a brutal work schedule. I know it can’t last – eventually I too will be struck by that fateful arrow and be whipped into submission by a beautiful girl to whom I’ll end up proposing. Gah.

Then comes the wedding. 

For any sensible man, submission and matrimony should go hand-in-hand. That isn’t to say the wild stallion of a man is submitting to the taming effects of a wife. Let’s be honest, a man is gaining much more by getting married than he is giving up. No, I’m not talking about the institution of marriage, but of the actual wedding. That day belongs wholly to the female. 

One of the most important things I learned from the movie “Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure” was a line from Socrates. 

“The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing,” he said.

A man helping his fiancee plan for the big day should live by this. It is not your day – it is hers. You are only a few steps higher than grunts and relatives from the guest list. Sure you look all important and slick in your tux, but if something goes wrong, who is the one that freaks out? She is. You’re just along for the ride, and it’s going to be a bumpy one.

To a man, the most important part of the wedding is that it ends as soon as possible. To a woman: colors, sounds, smells, tastes, people – the list never ends. Everything is of the utmost importance. If anything goes wrong, everything is wrong. 

This places the groom in a very delicate position. He has to support his fiancee in every step of the planning process, but if he’s smart he won’t have an opinion that differs from that of his wife. Yet if she detects the slightest hint of him not caring, all hell will break loose. Women are complicated creatures.

Men must become extremely political throughout this process. Always be passionate in backing whatever crazy endeavor your future wife decides for you, whether you agree with it or not. That’s what you get for asking her to marry you, so you better not complain. 

Whether it’s licking 1,000 envelopes or trying to understand why you need so many flowers, you have got to become an extension of your woman. Find ways to be helpful that don’t require you to be too actively involved in the decision making process. This will ensure your feisty female won’t feel like she’s doing it by herself, and yet she’ll still be able to have everything be exactly how she wants. 

I am tired just thinking about it, and marriage is a probably a long ways off for me. Most of all, remember it is her day. Just consider yourself lucky she is stooping low enough to think you’re worth spending the rest of her life with. Don’t ruin the illusion that you really are by screwing up her wedding plans.

– Cale is an unmarried sophomore studying journalism and communications. His uncomplicated marital status gives him an extremely objective view on marriage that is based solely on lack of experience. Send comments, thank-yous and criticism to calewp@gmail.com.

BY CARLI SORENSON

staff writer

I love weddings. Something about perfectly-coordinated table linens and matching suits makes me happy. I even have a secret Pinterest board where I pin all my wedding stuff. Am I engaged? No. Am I even close? No.

I am an 18-year-old girl going to college in Utah. I admit, I was a little shocked when I didn’t have at least three proposals by the end of last semester. I’ve even gone on more than two dates with the same guy and he hasn’t put a ring on it.

Lets be serious though – I’m only 18. I don’t know what I would do if someone proposed. Actually, I probably would hyperventilate and then run away. The whole idea of marriage scares me.

The average female life expectancy in the United States is 80, so if I get married soon, I’m going to be spending the next 60 years with the same person. 

Don’t get me wrong. I’m excited to get married – but I’m also excited to spend some time being a single lady. I have plans to live with one of my best friends for a couple years while we finish school, move to New York and own a fashion business with my younger sister, go backpacking across Europe and spend a couple months in India doing yoga while getting in touch with my inner self. 

So a word to those who are looking to get married young: Why are you rushing it? You have your whole life to get married. Like my younger sister says, “Enjoy life: You have plenty of time to be dead.” Enjoy being single: you have plenty of time to be married. 

– Carli Sorenson is a happily unmarried student majoring in journalism. She believes if you like it, you should put a ring on it, but wants to enjoy life as a single lady until she is at least 25.  She can be reached at carli@jdsco.com.