Watching for red flags in relationships
*Audio clip is the voice of USU senior Riley Crezee.
In every relationship, it is important to stay alert for red flags and actions negatively impacting the relationship.
Red flags are warning signs in the relationship that something isn’t how it should be. They can range from serious concerns to personal preferences.
Sexual Assault & Anti-Violence Information (SAAVI) office’s Outreach and Prevention Coordinator Felicia Gallegos said the behaviors can change depending on the relationship and individual.
“It’s important to be aware of these behaviors because they are often easy to miss at first, but can escalate quickly,” she said. “Unhealthy relationships don’t just exist between ‘bad’ people. Anyone can find themselves in a relationship where they are causing harm or experiencing harm.”
A great way to address the issue is by talking to your partner.
“If you find these behaviors in your relationship, it is important to have an assertive conversation,” Gallegos said. “Talk to them about how their words or actions are impacting you, and give them the opportunity to correct them.”
She said if they don’t respect your experience or refuse to change their behavior, it is probably time to end the relationship.
Bad at communication
In a relationship, both people need to be willing to listen to each other and talk about important issues. Sometimes your partner can ignore your texts or other forms of communication. They should want to talk to you and get to know you better.
Ashley Moncada, a USU junior studying social work, said one of her red flags is when someone is really bad at communicating.
“One red flag is someone who doesn’t answer for two days, and then is like, ‘Oh sorry, I was so busy.’ Nobody’s that busy,” she said.
Speaking negatively
A partner criticizing or speaking negatively towards you can have negative impacts on your mood and self-esteem. Even if the comments are not directed toward you, they can create a negative environment.
Brandon Sorensen, a USU first-year student studying marketing, thinks it is a red flag if a partner speaks negatively about themselves.
“It’s a red flag when they put themselves down a lot,” Sorensen said. “There’s a difference if someone’s just not confident, and you can be there to help bring them up and have them realize how great they are.”
Limiting contact with friends
Friends play a huge role in our life. They are there before we get into a relationship, and are there if the relationship goes poorly. A partner will sometimes try to limit your contact with family or friends to isolate or control you.
Riley Crezee, a USU senior studying communications, sees this as a lack of trust.
“A big red flag for me would be a lack of trust, whether that’s not letting you communicate with their friends, or maybe not wanting to hang out with your friends a lot,” Crezee said.
He said friends can play an important role in identifying red flags you might miss.
“When we’re in that romantic phase, we can discount red flags, so check with your friends and trust their opinions,” Crezee said. “There’s lots of relationship red flags, and it’s really hard to see them when you’re in a relationship.”
The advocates at SAAVI can help explore healthy and unhealthy elements of a relationship and decide how to end it safely if needed. They can also help individuals file protective orders or report relationship violence to USU or law enforcement.
“It is also important to realize that leaving a relationship that is unhealthy is extremely difficult and your most important role as a support person is to be understanding of whatever they decide to do – whether that’s leave the relationship or stay with their partner,” Gallegos said.
Gallegos said it is important for someone in an unhealthy relationship to have someone who believes in and validates their experience. She said it is never the fault of the person experiencing the harm.
-Carter.Ottley@usu.edu
Photo illustration by Bailey Rigby