What shouldn’t be on TV
This is it. The sports season is finished for the majority of teams here at Utah State, and that leaves me depressed. Yes, sadly my life has thrived off trying to figure out how to play sports for the past couple months.
Now that there are no more sports I’m not quite sure what to do with myself. Without collegiate athletics for entertainment I’m forced to go back to a subservient form of sports: televised sports.
I’ve watched sporting events on television my whole life and enjoyed them immensely until I came to school and learned that there are still sports that are not tainted by sports commentators and more drama than the Oscars.
But now that this school year is over I have to rely on ESPN for my daily dosage of sweaty athletes running themselves into the ground. Actually, it will most likely have to be ESPN2 since ESPN seems to have stopped showing actual sports. And since I won’t have cable this summer it doesn’t look like I’ll be doing much of that either.
The only option I have left are the sporting events shown on regular network television. I hate watching it though. Why you might ask? Have you ever watched the sports selection on television these days?
Gone are the days when quality football and basketball games dominated weekend afternoon television. Instead the airwaves have become polluted with sports that never had a place on television.
While I believe that all sports have some athletic value to them, that does not mean they should be on television. There are many sports that are enjoyable to play and watch live but are terrible on television.
I’ve taken it upon myself to compile a list of the top three sports that should not be televised:
3. Baseball
It might have been the American pastime but that’s just it – it’s in the past. Today’s society is too fast-paced for baseball. If you’ve ever watched a game of baseball you realize you can take a nap and only miss one inning but it’s OK because there are eight more.
The game is so long and so slow that it’s a wonder it’s even considered a sport. Sure, once the ball is in play then there is a great display of athleticism but until then the players stand around staring at home plate is if expecting it to do a backflip.
Live baseball games are actually quite enjoyable. Maybe it’s the smell of hot dogs and sweaty guys mingled with tunes from the organ that gives it that good old American feel. But once baseball is televised it loses all that. Televised baseball is painful to watch. There’s so much time wasted between pitches, batters and innings that I’m convinced I see more commercials than actual playing time. Plus, baseball has so many games each season that if you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all. Nothing much changes from game to game.
If baseball is to be televised then the only time of year it should be is during playoffs. Otherwise keep it off the air.
2. NASCAR
Zoom zoom, this sport is lame. I just can’t wrap my mind around the thrill of watching a pack of cars zip around in circles – 500 times. It’s not like there’s any excitement either. There’s just not enough crashes. The commentators always say things like, “Here on lap 226 things are sure starting to heat up. Number 12 is edging closer to number 4 but he maintains a nice lead. Who knows, anybody could win this race. Boy I sure miss Dale Earnhardt, how ’bout y’all?”
To tell the truth I’m convinced NASCAR racing never actually happens as we see it on television. I think it’s really a bunch of bored bachelors in Alabama who race their remote control cars around a homemade track a few hundred times. They then dub commentary over it and submit it to the network stations. But that always makes me wonder why the television networks still televise it. I think the answer to that question goes back to the civil war. The South agreed to return to the Union only if they could have NASCAR on television every weekend. Yee-ha!
1. Golf
This game is a bit different than the other two because I’m still not convinced that this is actually a sport. As near as I can tell, golf is a corrupted cross between hockey and croquet that was created by the ancient un-athletic people. Now I don’t want to get hate mail from the golf team. I’m sure it takes lots of talent to hit that ball. I should know since I can’t make a put from more than two feet from the hole. I just don’t think golf is one of those games that deserves quality television time. If I’m going to waste my mind away watching television, I want something good – something exciting. Golf is the exact opposite of excitement.
“Watch him line up for his swing Bill. See how good his posture is? Quiet now. This is a highly challenging course that I paid $125 to play on last week. That’s funny because it’s true. Here he goes. He swings, he connects! What a beautiful hit. It just doesn’t get better than that. Bill? Are you awake?”
Golf tournaments last for hours at a time and take up time that I could be watching an exciting sport like football.
Now if Tiger Woods tackled Phil Mickelson, now that would be quality television!
Seth Hawkins is a
sophomore majoring in
public relations.
Comments can
be sent to him at
sethhawkins@cc.usu.edu