What the heck’s a Grammy anyway?
What I’m about to confess may come as a surprise, but I feel I need to get it off my chest. So sit down and brace yourself for something that borderlines on hypocrisy, considering it’s from someone who writes for the entertainment section.
I didn’t watch the Grammys Wednesday night. I didn’t even turn on the television. I had better things to do.
Truth be known, I don’t usually care who wins Grammys. I don’t even know what a Grammy looks like. From what I gather, it’s a statue of some sort.
I imagine a Grammy looks a little like a miniature Statue of Liberty. I’m probably way off course, aren’t I?
I’m a sports writer at heart. This gig I’ve got here in the features/entertainment section is just a way to earn a little more money. The way my brain works, geared so deeply in sports as it is, I can only imagine a Grammy looking like one of two things: the Statue of Liberty, or a basketball trophy – like the ones they used to give to YMCA players, or Tiny Jazzers or whatever your respective home state called the youth league.
You know the type of trophy I’m talking about: cheap, plastic stand, fake golden basketball player holding a ball over his head, looking for someone to whom he can pass.
But I can’t imagine these Grammy gurus giving out bronzed basketball players to someone who just won the album of the year. It just wouldn’t make sense. So I’m stuck with the image of the miniature Statue of Liberty. That’s what I figure the award must look like.
The real problem behind the Grammys is in the name. What is a Grammy anyway? No one knows.
“Well,” you say, “a Grammy is the little statue they give out to the winners each year at the Grammys.”
Yeah, and peanut butter tastes like peanut butter. (You thought I was going to say chicken, didn’t you? True, everything tastes like chicken – except peanut butter. Peanut butter has a very unique taste to it – it’s very … peanut buttery.)
So again I ask, what is a Grammy? Ground Hog day is named after a ground hog; we know what that is. What is a Grammy?
At least with the Golden Globes they’ve tried to give you some sort of mild hint as to what the award looks like. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a Golden Globe, either, but based on the name, I think I have a pretty good idea of what one looks like.
I’m sure they have the same cheap, plastic stands the YMCA trophies had, with an even cheaper looking golden globe super-glued to the top.
But the Grammys … who’s to say what one is?
Am I being naive on this one? I’ll be the first to admit I don’t know a whole heck of a lot about Grammys. Maybe everyone else in the world knows exactly what a Grammy is, and if that’s the case, I’m sorry. I guess I’m not in with the Hollywood crowd.
Chances are, however, I’m not alone on this one. I’m willing to bet the Grammys are kind of like ESPYs. No one knows what an ESPY is, either, so they just hand out little glass towers.
You know Tiger Woods gets the same response every time he shows his mantle of ESPYs to visitors.
“Hey man, cool glass tower. Where’d you get it?”
“It’s an ESPY, idiot.”
“Kind of looks like a glass tower to me, dude. You’ve got like a billion of them, too. Can I have one?”
The thing is, I don’t care what a Grammy looks like. I really don’t. It’s not important to me to be in with the showbiz and Hollywood crowd.
After all, how bright can they be? Wednesday night they gave three of those Grammy things to a rap star named Eminem. He won Grammys for the best solo-rap performance, the best rap album and the best rap performance by a duo or a group for his performance with mentor Dr. Dre.
“Bleed Bi@!*, bleed.”
Those are lyrics off Eminem’s album – the “best rap album” out on the market. Lyrics from the best solo rap performer. Lyrics from the best of the best.
Yeah, I don’t really care what a Grammy is. If Eminem got one, then they can’t be worth anything.
Kind of like the basketball trophy I got when I was a kid.
Casey Hobson is a junior majoring in journalism. Comments can be sent to
hobsonhut@hotmail.com