You Could Be the Difference

A year ago, I was just a typical high school senior.  My biggest concerns were getting the yearbook done, working with my Future Farmers of America chapter and whether or not the boy I liked was going to ask me out on another date. Apart from my grades and making it through until graduation, I didn’t have much to stress about.

I grew up in a small, farming community in southeast Idaho. And by small, I mean I only had 47 kids in my graduating class. Everybody in my community knows each other very well and we are extremely tight-knit. Growing up, I had always been the kid who was friends with everyone — or at least I tried to be. I had friends from my time playing sports, participating in student council and working with the kids who weren’t necessarily “cool” in my classes. Being in the middle ground between the jocks and the nerds allowed me the chance to be comfortable in pretty much any group, which allowed me to become friends with someone really special.

My friend, Thayne Adkins, was the smartest person I knew. Whenever you saw him, he had his head in a book. We always spent our time together discussing books we had read recently. The conversations I had with him always left me feeling excited to continue reading and learning throughout my life.

Last May, my naive, small-town world changed forever. I woke up on what I thought would be a typical Monday morning to get ready for school. But I soon found out that this day and the following weeks would be anything but normal. After checking my phone, I saw posts all over Facebook and Instagram from people at my high school about how a certain individual would never be forgotten. No one had mentioned names, but I knew that something must have happened to someone who was a big part of the high school. Confused and concerned, my parents and I began to make phone calls to see what we could find out. Eventually, we were told that my friend and classmate, Thayne, had chosen to take his own life the previous day. Suddenly, my world was broken and I spent the next few weeks before graduation, extremely hurt and confused.

I went to school that day in a complete daze. I remember walking down the hallway with tears in my eyes. Everyone was hugging each other and mourning the loss of one of our own. But for me, the worst part was when I had to deliver the news to my best friend because she hadn’t heard. She walked in the door, saw me crying and instantly knew something was wrong. Telling her that our friend was gone is the hardest thing I have ever had to do.  

All I was able to think about for the next few days was the last conversation I had with Thayne. We sat together in the library, discussing “The Count of Monte Cristo” and laughing about what a terrible job the movie writers had done in comparison to the novel. That had only been a few days before his death.

The next two weeks were a blur. Everyone was struggling to understand and cope, but my senior class was definitely struggling the most. We were so close to graduation when this tragedy struck and I just think we were all in disbelief until the funeral. But it brought us together in a way that I never knew was possible. We cried together, laughed together and prayed together. We all knew we needed each other to make it through losing our friend. Attending the funeral was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, but it was something I needed to gain closure.  Although it was difficult, it was incredible to see how our small community came together to support the school, the senior class and the family.

This death of an 18-year-old young man left our community shaken to the core. Until that morning, I had never thought much about suicide prevention. Unfortunately, this is something that happens all too often throughout the world today. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, 40,000 people die from suicide each year in the United States alone. Although suicide is an extremely complicated issue with many causes, it is something that would often be preventable if more people knew the warning signs and were willing to reach out for help.

There are many behaviors that can be watched for to try and prevent more of these unnecessary deaths. Talking about feeling hopeless, having no reason to live or being a burden to others are a few common thoughts or behaviors. If you, or someone you know is having these thoughts or feelings, I urge you to ask for help. I wish more than anything that I could have seen some of these signs to help prevent Thayne’s choice. I’m not saying that I or anyone else could have made that difference. Suicide isn’t 100 percent preventable, but I think oftentimes, something more could be done if people were more aware of each other.

Losing someone in my life to suicide really opened up my eyes to the things that are important in my life. Going through that pain taught me some powerful lessons that I think we all could apply to our lives.

Spread kindness everywhere you go. Smile and say hello to the random people you see on campus, hold the door for someone, take time out of your day to talk to a friend in need. It doesn’t have to be something huge, but just find a way to be a little more kind.

Become more aware of the people in your life. We all have different needs, concerns and problems that we have to deal with ourselves. However, we as human beings tend to focus a lot on ourselves and do not pay enough attention to what the people in our life may need.

Love the people around you. Whether it’s your family, friends, your annoying roommate or that person you walk by on campus every day. Learn to love them. Show them that you do through your actions. And most importantly, tell them that you love them and then tell them why.

To any of you who may be struggling with anything and feel alone, I beg you to reach out to someone. Whether that person is your roommate, a friend or the Counseling and Psychological Services office on campus, I promise you that you never have to be alone in your trials. Someone will always be willing to listen and help in whatever way they can.

— Shelby Stoor is a freshman that loves all things Utah State. She enjoys spending her free time writing, binge watching Grey’s Anatomy and traveling to Idaho to be with her family.

shelbstoor11@aggiemail.usu.edu

@shelbstoor11