You probably aren’t as cool as you think

I remember the first time a classmate showed up to school with a new tattoo. It was junior year of high school, around the time genius 18-year-olds began exploring the new and exciting freedoms that accompanied no longer being considered a minor. For a day or so it was actually sort of cool — she got her entire calf marked up with colorful abstract art, it was an alright-looking design that matched her personality.

But then she couldn’t shut up about it.

She set out on a mission that whole year to ensure everyone in my grade knew how independent and free-spirited she was. It was annoying, and I figured only in high school would such a thinly-veiled search for approval — or perhaps disapproval — take place.

Obviously I was wrong, because college is worse.

The most interesting thing about you should not be your ankle tattoo. It shouldn’t be your homeless-guy beard or your Macklemore haircut either. It definitely shouldn’t be your extremely vocal interest in beer — sorry, but your drinking problem isn’t a cool or rebellious personality trait; it’s alcoholism, and you need help.

I’m not suggesting all of these things are inherently bad, but if your search for a way to feel unique and special overtakes everything else about your personality, maybe you’ve got a problem.

For some reason, college-aged individuals refuse to define themselves by what they actually do, instead relying on having cool-sounding interests to mask the fact that they don’t do much of anything. Download Tinder for ten minutes and check out the common threads on every profile — let me guess, you like drinking and dirt-biking and “just chillin’ with friends,” how original.

This is the formula for the original hipster, to obsessively cling to one weird thing and convince yourself it’s what makes you interesting. Not that the word “hipster” carries much meaning anymore, since it’s now a catch-all term covering anything from those who smoke vapor cigarettes to kids who dress up like it’s 1925 and listen to weird gypsy punk rock on vinyl records.

So if you can’t seem to stop raving about this previously unknown band you found on Spotify, maybe relax a little bit. Or perhaps you’re that guy who brings up something “edgy” you heard on NPR in every conversation — yeah, don’t be that guy. This is an especially popular one because it’s sneaky — the media you consume does not make you interesting by association. It just doesn’t.

I know what you’re thinking. You’ve got a hobby or two you think is pretty cool and you’re wondering why this columnist is being such a hater. You’re not who I’m talking about. Interests are important, that’s how you become a well-rounded person after all.

I’m calling out the people who, like high school tattoo girl years ago, desperately need everyone within earshot to recognize how cool and different they are. Girl, we can see your new ink plain as day. You don’t need to draw attention to it.

— Logan Jones is a junior majoring in journalism, because “being a hater” isn’t a major currently offered at Utah State. Contact him at loganjtones@aggiemail.usu.edu or on Twitter @Logantj.