COLUMN: Snack and nap – Good words and activities
Two of my favorite words and, not coincidentally, my favorite clandestine activities are “snack” and “nap.” Eating and sleeping are mundane, but snacking and napping are somehow like cheating on yourself. They just have that guilty sensual allure of a stolen moment with someone you secretly love. Nothing quite beats skulking off to the vending machine mid-afternoon for a bag of chili-cheese corn puffs and then letting your head hit the keyboard for a few minutes when you’re done.
This is why we like dogs so much. Dogs, probably more than any other creature, have made a lifestyle out of these two activities. A dog can sleep all night, get up, spend 10 minutes gulping down its food and then be ready for a nap. Another 10 minutes later it will be willing to run across the yard or perform silly sideshow tricks for a minuscule morsel of pork byproduct. Dogs can continue this behavior for years on end with few signs of the depression or reduced job satisfaction so common in their owners.
If you believe that God created us in His image, you ought to also believe that we created dogs in our image. Well not so much in our image but in the imagined lives we wished we could lead. We complex bipeds profess accomplishment, productivity and exercise all the while craving a snack and a nap. So big brains that we are, we bred all the instinct and independence out of wolves and created little beastie companions through which we can vicariously live our innermost desires.
As a bonus they have the semblance of a smile, they are somewhat obedient and come in all shapes and sizes to fit our needs. These are all characteristics we wish were more prevalent in the Homo sapiens mating pool. Plus, they have the aforementioned snack and nap job description.
I can’t help thinking we have gone too far with these little snack and napping interlopers, though. I think that really big male dogs should be subject to public lewdness ordinances and be required to wear boxer shorts. I think if you take your dog cross-country skiing, it should be required to actually wear skis and gaiters. I think dogs who ride in pick up trucks should be required to wear both shoulder and lab belts. I think dogs which stick their heads out of car window should be trained to make proper turn signals. I think whoever is responsible for developing the basset hound and dachshund (wiener dog) breeds should be required to walk around on their knees for the rest of their lives. I think the selection of dog foods should be reduced to two flavors, smelly and non-smelly.
I think I need a nap and a snack.
Dennis Hinkamp denies ever taking a nap on his keyboard during business hours but does occasionally type with his forehead.