Dating vs hanging out
My roommates and I have been having a debate recently. The issue can really be summed up in one word: dating. Yes or no? Necessary or not? The whole thing is kind of up in the air.
Dating is kind of a loaded word. To some, it simply means going out with someone of the opposite sex. To others it can mean going out a lot with the same person. And then there are those who think the term implies there is a serious relationship brewing.
There’s still another group: the ones who avoid the situation altogether and phrase every interaction they have with members of the opposite sex as “hanging out.”
It’s a puzzling debate, dating verses hanging out, and the confusion is only amplified by the vagueness of our current vocabulary. I have yet to determine if there is a right answer or not. But most often, I tend to sit on the side of dating rather than hanging out. I think there are more perks.
Dating can be a social highlight of college. There are so many things you can do on dates. There are movies, picnics, sporting events, walks in the park and much more. But despite how fun and exciting dating can be, it seems to be losing. Many would prefer just to hang out rather than date.
Some claim it’s because hanging out releases the pressure. A date is so formal, so final, but hanging is something you do with good buddies and therefore doesn’t carry with it any of the emotional attachment/relationship garbage. It’s easier, free-er, cheaper, and a lot like dating-you still are going out, being social, meeting and interacting with your peers, developing possible future relationships. So why does it matter? What’s the difference?
I’d say there is a big difference, like football versus basketball. They are two different games with different sets of rules and assumptions hooked to each. You can’t expect to be able to play basketball on a football field or vice versa, at least not without stretching or changing the rules.
Now these rules certainly aren’t finite. They have been known to adapt over time to serve the purposes of the people applying them. But as an overall comparison, I would say there is more expected in a dating relationship. It’s structured. Two people get together as a couple for an evening, possibly with other couples and participate in a semi-planned, sometimes spontaneous activity. Hanging out is more happenstance. You bump into each other or find someone to do something with. There is little planning and little warning.
Also, dating relationships can become easier to define and control. If you are constantly going on dates with a certain person, it’s probably safe to say you are dating them. And we have to remember that’s good, a fact which tends to be forgotten when trying to analyze the situation. Girls especially have trouble with this. Dating is good. Dating is fun. Who cares what it means or where it’s going? It’ll get there soon enough, and when it does, there will be plenty of time to analyze.
Analyzing is an even bigger problem when hanging out. Most of the girls I talk with about this have their biggest troubles in this area. Without the dating structure in their relationships, there are always more questions than answers. What are we? Friends or more than? Where are we headed? What should I expect? It’s a jumbled mess, which could be easily avoided by guys and girls getting together and going out on dates – supplemented, not supported – by the hang-out factor.
I understand it’s hard. Dating is time consuming and, on occasion, can be a little pricey. But it doesn’t have to be, on either count. There are so many things you can do that are inexpensive and fun. And, in all honesty, those are often the dates most people prefer and remember. Dates don’t have to take up all night either – maybe only an hour or two. It’s all up to you. And that’s the beauty of it.
Mikaylie Kartchner is a junior majoring in print journalism. Comments or questions can be directed to her at mikayliek@cc.usu.edu.