COLUMN: Legislation wrap up: Devil kicked off highway
The legislature doesn’t really behave much differently than you or I. When faced with tough decisions to make or indecipherable tax forms to read through, we can all find a hundred other things that need our immediate attention.
My mind wanders to what Britney Spears is not wearing today, thinking perhaps there are some discount gnomes for sale on e-bay or that I need to floss the dog’s teeth. The only difference is that unlike my mental meanderings, legislators are on public display and what they do actually affects large numbers of lives. Still, what we get for the first 30 days of the 45-day session are the message bills and pompous resolutions.
Most resolutions aren’t really laws. They are often important stuff like declaring March 13 State Ceramic Tile Day or designating the Hobo Spider as the state arachnid. While these honor their designees, they have little to do with getting anything done. Moreover, they are a little bit scary in the same way President Bush was when, in the middle of his State of the Union address, he called for high schools to crack down on steroid use. Huh? It’s an admirable goal but seems a little out of context given the scope of the problems facing the nation.
Likewise, Utah legislators spend a big chunk of time avoiding the real issues and bickering over stuff like this:
Education, not executions: The Legislature did away with the firing squad, but did grandfather in all those who already chose to be shot dead because currently, three of the 10 men on Utah’s death row have selected the firing squad. We wouldn’t want to go back on a promise. Though we are keeping guns away from executions, we will be allowing then in just about every other public place, including schools.
Not giving the devil his due: The Utah Senate gave its final approval to a bill changing the name of U.S. 666 in southeastern Utah to U.S. 491. The obscure “mark of the beast” reference from the biblical book of Revelations was found offensive to some. Others suspect that UDOT just got tired of people stealing the signs.
U.N.-American activities: The Utah Legislature debated whether or not to get the United States out of the United Nations. Vicki Peterson, a lobbyist on family issues to the United Nations, told lawmakers of her own experiences with a U.N. agenda that promotes homosexuality and prostitution, and how it wants to go so far as to eliminate Mother’s Day. On the other side, Kathryn Horvat reminded the committee of the United Nation’s role in eradicating smallpox and polio.
And you thought nobody cared about metrics: A new law prohibits a bar patron from being served a pitcher of beer if that person is alone. The legal limit is set at one liter at a time per person. Two or more people may get as much as a two-liter pitcher of beer, the current limit on pitchers.
Heal thyself: Even with its own precarious history of non-conformity in marriage, Utah legislators still backed off on wording that would have read “one man and one woman.”
But what if the bus is almost empty? A new law makes it illegal for bus drivers to make unnecessary calls on cell phones but drivers with a vanload of kids can still go merrily about talking on phones.
Go ahead, super-size that subpoena: Even thought the state has reaped millions of dollars in tobacco reparations because people were too stupid to know that smoking might cause health problems, obese people now can’t sue Utah restaurants for making them that way.
I can hardly wait till next year.
Dennis Hinkamp’s column appears every Friday. Comments can be sent to dhinkamp@cc.usu.edu.