Lessons from the animal kingdom
I was at the bird show at the Hogle Zoo this summer when I saw a bald eagle for the first time.
The trainers tried to make the whole situation pretty dramatic by announcing, “Here is our nation’s symbol, the bald eagle.” Suddenly a giant American flag dropped, choir music starting playing and a bunch of doves appeared as the eagle flew down and landed on a tree on stage.
Of course everyone was clapping, and then suddenly the bird lifted up its tail and squirted out huge eagle droppings onto the cement. He should have felt some shame but of course he didn’t, and everyone started laughing.
That’s the nice thing about animals. They don’t really seem to care when people are laughing at them. When things don’t go quite their way, they move on, fly away, climb up a tree or keep swimming.
If only life could be as simple for us as it is for animals. For them, life is all about where they will get their next meal or how they can steer clear of being a predator’s next meal. And that’s about all.
I’ve always loved animals. Well, except for the occasional grumpy cat. This past year I not only went to the Hogle Zoo, but also the New York Aquarium and Baby Animal Day at the American West Heritage Center. What I’ve learned from animals is pretty simple.
• People are easily entertained. They will always clap for you if you are a sea lion and can show them you have rhythm.
• Sometimes all you want to do is sleep, even if everyone wants you to come out and play. If you happen to live in a zoo when you’re tired, you may get woken up by kids yelling at you or shaking a fence. If you’re not, chances are shaking will also be involved. Only kids can actually touch you. Either way, you’re out of luck.
• The smaller and furrier you are, the cuter.
• If you are a tiny turtle, you can count on your life being filled with children poking at you. Or even if you’re a big turtle and found by a dog in a backyard, you’ll most likely be thrown around. Sadly, sometimes when you’re small, bigger animals and people may always have control.
• Getting a haircut always makes you feel better. That is, as long as the stylist knows how to do a good job. My dog went into hiding once because my dad shaved her. When we all laughed at her, she apparently couldn’t take it. I’ve seen people do the same.
• If you roll onto your back and stare at someone long enough, you will eventually get a belly rub. Also, if you stare at someone while they eat in front of you, food will eventually come your way. Even if it touches the carpet first.
• If you don’t want someone to like you, just bite. Growling can also do the trick.
• If you enjoy someone’s company, purr. You can also try rubbing your body against their legs, but that may not be socially acceptable in some circumstances.
• Frisbees are always fun. Just try not to be the one that’s always chasing after them. Learn to catch them whatever way you can, whether that be with your hands or drooling chops.
• If you want to scare someone, pounce. The key is to do it when the person isn’t expecting it. Remember to wait patiently on the floor, never looking away or blinking. When the time is right, run towards feet, a lap or a face. Once again be careful with this one. It may be looked down upon in some cultures.
• The best of us drool – even if it’s just in our sleep.
• When there isn’t a lot of food around and a whole lot of animals, the best thing to do is run for it and stuff your face.
• You can never get too old for climbing trees. Barefoot is always the most fun.
• There are advantages to having a long neck. You get to see above everyone, and you get the best leaves in the tree. Plus, while walking in a crowd, people will move for you.
• If you are fuzzy, have a tiny nose and long ears, people will want to hold you.
• No matter how tacky it is, there’s always going to be someone wearing leopard print.
• If you chase after girls while you’re angrily gobbling and your neck is swinging back and forth, they will scream. And if you bark and run after bikers and joggers they will most likely speed up or kick you. Be careful when deciding who you’re going to follow and look for the ones that are going to pedal faster.
• Elephants make for good transportation.
• You really have the life if you can blow bubbles and swim in the ocean all day.
• If you’re a talking bird, people will love you. They will also try to teach you to say stupid things. Be hesitant in what you decide to repeat or you may spend the rest of your life getting teased and tempted with crackers in hopes you will say it again.
• The brighter the colors you’re wearing, the more people will take pictures of you.
• As long as a treat is involved, you’ll do almost anything.
• Every once in a while, you may want to break free and try running away. Enjoy the fresh air and watch out for cars.
• Last but not least, when you’ve done something wrong, hide. Don’t come out until you’re sure the person that is mad will soften by your guilty, and sometimes furry, face.
Manette Newbold is a senior majoring in print journalism. Comments and questions can be sent to manette.n@aggiemail.usu.edu.